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#ThrowbackThursday – Every Bus Ride

This #ThrowbackThursday goes all the way back to 11 years ago…
I was in high school and my depression and anxiety had really started to take hold.

It took me many, many years to be able to look myself in the mirror and name my anxiety and depression, forcing them into the light.

But before then, all I could do was put my pain into art.

Sometimes I would draw, sometimes I would write.

Here is a poem I wrote.

 

 

Every Bus Ride

Every bus ride,
Every song,
In those mornings,
Short and long,
I prepare.

To put that smile on my face,
Telling friends that I’m okay,
While hiding tears behind the lace,
Wiping up the tears I say,
Shut up and smile.

Every bus ride,
Every song,
In those mornings,
Short and long,
I prepare.

For silly friend’s intentions kind,
Whose words do not explain,
Why they are so sadly blind,
Take a breathe, exhale the pain,
Shut up and listen.

Every bus ride,
Every song,
In those mornings,
Short and long,
I prepare.

My mask so porcelain strong,
Cracks and bends in many ways,
When my nerves are hit just wrong,
In the sunlight and moonlight rays,
Shut up and think.

Every bus ride,
Every song,
In those mornings,
Short and long,
I prepare.

I prepare,
To act like I care,
And cry all night,
Fade out the light,
I hear a song,
And I hum along,
To the morning side,
Of every bus ride.

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