Deck Used: The Goddess Tarot (graciously loaned to me by Cristina Matteis! Thank You!)
Spread: Past/ Present/ Future
General Reading or the Question Asked: I am honestly not sure what specific question I was asking, but I was reflecting on my career and my path forward.
Card 1: Past Card 2: Present Card 3: Possible Future Card 4: The Over All Message
Card 1: XII – Sacrifice – Kuan Yin
Meaning: A surrender to higher principles, higher goals, self abnegation. Taking care of others. Sacrifice in order to gain wisdom and empathy.
My Interpretation: It feels like the perfect description of my beginning as a Vet Tech. I gave up the easy path, so I could pursue knowledge and care for those creatures that are experiencing their darkest hour at the expense of my inner self.
Card 2: Ten of Staves
Meaning: The accumulation of the creative venture began with the one of staves. Success that becomes overwhelming with its responsibility.
My Interpretation: I feel like I have hit a glass ceiling as it where. My skill level and knowledge base is vast, but I feel like I can go further. I’m just not sure how.
Card 3: Four of Swords
Meaning: The need for introspection and healing. Recuperation from illness. Time to take a break from stressful situations.
My Interpretations: If I don’t make some kind of change. I will never heal. I will need to take time away and maybe never return to the career I love but is currently draining everything I have.
Card 4: Seven of Staves
Meaning: Though you may have the upper hand in this situation there is still struggle. Success is possible but only after dealing with difficult people who may not be supportive.
My Interpretation: There is a path forward. It will not be easy, but I must defend my path against those who wish to keep my down if I wish to fly.
“One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your soul.” – Brigitte Nicole
“The world needs more storytellers, dreamers, change makers, & action takers.”
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
“Keep going, because you did not come this far, to get this far.”
“Don’t let anyone tell you that your independence is the reason for you being single. Your strength as a woman isn’t the cause for your loneliness. You’re alone because you’d rather not entertain a weak man.” – r.h. sin
“It’s ok if you fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the while damn fire.”
“Nothing will ruin your twenties more than thinking you should have your life together already.”
“You are not too old and its is not too late.”
“I’m on the hunt for who I’ve not yet become.”
“And suddenly you just know it’s time to start something new and trust in the magic of beginnings.”
I wonder if its my anxiety that draws me to the practice of Divination. The possibility of answers in all of this unknown. The unknown that my anxiety likes to take and run for miles with.
The simplest form of divination is using a Pendulum. The essence of it is to connect with one’s own intuition and subconscious to find answers.
So how does one choose a pendulum?
My gut made the choice for me. I guess a more eloquent way to describe it would be, my intuition guided me.
As I was out searching the stores for incense and candles. I was drawn to an Onyx faucet pendulum. As soon as I saw it amongst the others. I knew, it was coming home with me. It wasn’t in my budget, but I did not care. I had to have it!
As I reflected upon this choice. I decided to research the stone I was drawn too.
Onyx is a very strong protective stone, it calms the mind and energies. Which helps to relieve worry anxiety. (POINT ONE FOR INTUITION!) The zodiac associated with it, is Capricorn (I’m a Capricorn!), its element is earth, (the element I seem to connect most with), and lastly the chakra associated with it is the root chakra. (still learning about that stuff… one step at a time)
So, after all that, I came to the conclusion. My intuition deserves a high five!
I hope with my intuition being on point, this means divination will come easier to me.
I am still getting to know my pendulum and myself, asking simple questions so I can get to know how it responds. Small “Yes” when I asked if I was 24 years old. A big “No” before I even spoke the words “Do I have a pet snake?”… I am terrified of snakes… In case you were wondering…
I hope to soon try to illuminate my path ahead. But all good things take time.
Here are a few quotes I wish to leave you with; as we all search for answers, in prayer, meditation, the advice of a friend, or even with a pendulum.
“There are years that ask questions, and years that answer.” – Zora Neale Hurston
“In your hesitation, I found my answer.” – Unknown
To honor the God and Goddess, and to honor and connect with my ancestors.
(as I’m writing this I am also watching and crying over Call the Midwife so bear with me)
I chose to first honor Al Greenway. I have to say I did not really know him. He was my Grandfather, well I guess Step Grandfather I guess is more accurate. But Al had always been there.
He loved to sit in his recliner during our family events. I don’t remember him speaking much, but I was young and wasn’t really listening.
He loved animals. My Grandmother and him started Greenview Aviaries, over the years it grew into a beautiful park and zoo. Though I know in my soul my own love of animals came from both sides of my family. My reflections for this coming Samhain, have guided me to the firm belief that while I was running around that park. Hearing the majesty of the Timber Wolves howl, seeing a Siberian Tiger stretch its beautiful paw, and watching the ducks lazily paddle along the pond. My love for animals grew exponentially.
Its for this, I honor him.
I also chose to honor Doris Miller. My Grandmother on my father’s side. She was an unbelievably strong and loving woman, she raised 7 children on her own after her husband was killed in a farming accident. She passed when I was young, but I remember her home, the wood stove and her baking giving the space this golden warmth.
It was full of little trinkets, handmade blankets, the rooms that had seen so much life and love. Each nook and cranny of her home had something stored away within. Her house always felt like a discovery waiting to happen as we explored and played, as we lived and laughed and loved.
Though I never got the chance to really know her. I admire the strength, courage, and determination she must have had.
It is for this, I honor her.
As it grows closer to midnight, I find my heart is filled with peace.
I found this on Pinterest, and I found it fitting to ring in October 31st.
I have recently embarked on a journey to become a Wiccan.
Maybe you’re thinking this is an act of rebellion or a cry for help. But it’s the exact opposite, I am embarking on a journey of self discovery, self love, and empowerment. Its this journey that I wish to share with you.
There are so many aspects to discern and discover, am I a Kitchen witch? An Elemental witch? Do I prefer to practice in solitude, or in a coven?
So, far this has prompted more questions than answers. But I continue to search, within myself and out in the world. I know my path will become clear as time goes on.
But now I am taking the time to contemplate the upcoming Samhain, or as the rest of the world knows it, Halloween.
A time, associated with death, rebirth, transformation, and the passage from light to darkness. It’s a time to review life, celebrate achievements, honor your ancestors, and let go of your losses.
Honoring my ancestors will be an interesting endeavor. The ancestors I wish to honor the most, were Christian, and I feel honoring them in my Wiccan ways may offend them. I hope to explore how to navigate that interesting aspect in the years to come.
But letting go. That I think I am ready for… What I am letting go of I am not sure. But I feel it in my soul. I will be letting go of something and then I will fly.
“One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul.” – Brigitte Nicole
Just some friendly advice… It is not easy getting a “family photo” of 3 cats, 1 dog, and a human.
I recommend long sleeves… And sedation… For the human or the pets, dealer’s choice…
But here it is!
Quite a circus eh? Honestly, I’m quite surprised that I made it out with little blood loss. But I was absolutely worth it! And now I am very happy for you to meet my boys!
My oldest cat is Mop.
His full name is Dustmop. He’s my grumpy old man. He’s my cuddle bug, my sleeping buddy, and my first pet after I moved out of my parents. When ever anyone meets Mop, the first thing they notice, is he has RBF (resting b***h face). He’s part Persian so he has a smooshy nose that just makes him look pissed all the time.
Next thing will probably be the fact that he is now on your lap stealing your warmth. But don’t touch him. He doesn’t want that. Just your warmth.
“Umm, is he missing an ear?”
Yup! He had chronic ear issues before I got him from the rescue. His pinna was pretty damaged (the part that sticks up), and it was quite uncomfortable for him and very difficult to put in ear medication, so I had it removed.
Next is Killian… the middle child.
He is my handsome boy, and he knows it. He is also a bit of a diva.
I got him after he was dumped on my parents’ farm. He was so affectionate and chatty my Dad could not get any work done in his shop, so he sent me a picture. Big bright yellow eyes, perfect white whiskers on this black face with a white chin patch, and the most perfect ears I have ever seen. He captured my heart. I drove down that day to get him.
I had wanted a friend for Mop while I was at work, it seemed like it was meant to be! I soon realized Mop wanted nothing to do with him and Killian could not care less… He was too busy eating, he had settled right in.
He is the quintessential s**t disturber cat. Chewing plastic, knocking things off my bookshelves as he tried to get to the bag of cat food or the hamster.
Touching his belly means death. Or just him screaming at you. He does not want any affection until I have something on my lap, then it MUST move. Or when I’m trying to sleep. He knows where hands are under the pillow and will nudge them with his nose in an attempt to promote pets, and he knows how to paw at my face to test if I’m awake… Or wake me up… Also, he drools when he is happy.
Last of the cats is Link, my baby boy. Winky, the Winklest Wink, Kitten.
So many nicknames, so little time… he came to me as a baby, he had major eye issues and was possibly blind.
Rough lookin’ eh?
Killian needed a friend (see a pattern here?) and I didn’t mind having a blind cat. Luckily, we managed to save his eyes and his sight! He just has a medical condition that makes his eyes look cloudy.
So, he came home with me! He was hand raised, so he was already a bit odd. But he loved Killian, they became thick as thieves. He is a nervous boy though, he’s never really liked cuddles and he hides whenever guests are over.
The two loves in his life other than Killian, are the laser pointer and the bathroom sink. He LOVES the laser pointer. He can hear the click from all the way across the apartment. And for a decent amount of time after playing with the laser pointer, if I pick up anything laser pointer shaped he perks up.
No Link, not red dot, I just a remote.
*sad cat face*
Then there is the bathroom sink… ahh the sink… basically what he wants is for the sink to be running a very thin slow stream of water that he can play with a drink at his leisure. He loves to stick his paw under the water, watch it run off. Pull it out, look at his wet paw. And do it again.
If the sink is running to fast he will try to bury the water, he digs and digs and digs. Dang it! Where is all this water coming from!? And eventually leave miffed.
Then, there’s Fawkes, my doggo.
He is the most recent addition. I got him as a rescue, he was very sick as a puppy and his first owners could not afford his care. He was surrendered, got better, then I got him!
Now what breed is he…? Your guess is as good as mine. Pomeranian/Papillon? Maltese/Papillon? Pomeranian/Maltese? Who knows! I tend to just describe him as a mix and call it a day…
He was a cute puppy. So, freaking cute! He learned fetch the first day I had him and now its his most favorite game! That and tearing apart toys… Seriously this dog can get the toughest toy I can buy him, some how this little monster finds the ONE SEAM IT HAS!! Aaaannd its in pieces. Luckily, he does not eat the pieces! Just leaves a mess for me to clean up…
Fawkes has brought a lot of joy and energy to my life and despite it all I would not trade him for anything!
Last is Harry, Harry the Hobo, Harry Houdini, Harry Potter, Harry the Hamster.
He was brought into my work in a shoe box by some good citizens. Their question was innocent and warranted “Are there wild hamsters in the city?”
They had found him, the tiniest hamster running around a railroad track. The people managed to catch him and bring him in. (I work at an animal hospital) He was sassy! He had to be! He was a wild boy! He lived on the wrong side of the tracks! But ultimately his side of the story was kyboshed as there are no wild hamsters where I live.
We figured he had been bought by a family, his box some how got dropped before they got to the house and he was gone!
No one claimed him. So, I took him home! This little f***er has lived up to his name Harry Houdini! He has broken out of his cage so many times! Once he was missing for 4 days. I searched everywhere! Eventually after a long night of searching I went to bed… my cats started acting weird… rustle, rustle, rustle… closer… Ruslte… RUSTLE… HE WAS HIDING IN THE BOX SPRING!! I turn on my phone light. Glance over the edge of my bed to see Harry, paws in the air, frozen. 4 sets of eyes on him. Mop, Killian, Link and me. He was apprehended without incident.
So that’s my crazy family! It a busy apartment but I could not imagine my life with out them. To quote Stitch from the wonderful Disney movie Lilo and Stitch “This is my family, I found it all on my own. It’s little and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good.”
A little over a month ago I was really struggling… My mental health was in tatters and my physical health was not much better. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating, I was making mistakes at work, and pulling away from my family and my friends. I don’t really remember what it was triggered by, I just remember I was drowning.
I was scrolling through Pinterest, looking for nothing in particular. When I saw this pin, it was a pastel colored background with the phrase “Just Breathe”.
And I did.
In and out. In and out. Breathe in for 4 counts. Breathe out for 5 counts. In and out.
I have never really been one for affirmations… Maybe I’m too jaded and broken. But that image. The frankness of its command? Demand? It spoke to me.
So, I went looking for more.
I found some that acknowledged my struggle, applauded my strength, and just eased my weary heart.
I wanted to carry them with me, not just in my mind, but somewhere I could see. I needed to see them. So, I grabbed a permanent marker and wrote them out, on my arms, and on my thighs.
I felt like I was donning armor, I felt stronger.
“You’re not a mess you’re brave for trying” “Sometimes its okay if the only thing you did today was breathe” “Just breathe” “I will win. Not immediately, but definitely.” “Real is Rare” “She persisted”
Since that day I have not needed my marker tattoos. But I still seek out quotes that speak to me and collect them, like pebbles.
They give voice to the words I cannot speak, ease my heart with no expectation of return, and strengthen me in such a simple way.
I want to share with you some quotes I have collected. Maybe they will help someone struggling, maybe they will just be.
Real is Rare.
Be gentle with yourself, you are doing the best you can.
Until I’m ready, let me be. I have to heal myself.
You wake up every morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before, and that, my love, is bravery. – thislifethismoment.com
Your healing is about you. It doesn’t need a stamp of approval. Don’t worry about how long it takes or how ugly it may seem. Its about you.
What a beautiful thing it is, to be able to stand tall and say, “I fell apart, and I survived.”
No matter how chaotic it is, wildflowers will still spring up in the middle of nowhere. -Sheryl Crow
And here you are living despite it all. – Rumi Kaur
I forget how to love myself most days, but I keep trying, I keep trying. And that alone is a victory. – Alison Malee
…and sometimes, life is just hard, and some days are just rough… and sometimes you just gotta dry before you can move forward… (and all of that is okay) – www.bravegirlsclub.com
I also have some links to other blogs that have collected quotes to help when you are struggling here and here.
I do hope this collection helps someone as it has helped me. Please share feel free to share this post and follow me on Pinterest.
Sometimes anxiety just rules my life. My mind just won’t stop spinning, my picking goes haywire, and all of the sudden the 8 hours of sleep I planned to get just became 4… But over the years I have found these products that help me fight back! So as promised here’s the list of these miracle products I just can’t live with out!
Secret Active Sport Invisible Spray Deodorant
It all comes down to one thing, stress sweat.
Stress sweat actually comes from a different sweat gland, called apocrine glands. While the typical sweat we get from physical activity or during hot weather comes from eccrine glands. The apocrine glands are bigger and tend to release more fat and protein in the sweat. This gives bacteria more food to grow, which then causes the more noticeable odor.
And let me tell you stress sweat is STANKY!!
That’s why I LOVE Secret Active Sport Spray! So far it is the only deodorant I have used that controls stress sweat as well as having other great benefits!
It goes on invisible, which is great for my almost completely black wardrobe and my black scrubs for work.
It can last up to 48 hours! Great for long work days and hangouts afterwards!
My worst time for picking is when I’m trying to fall asleep. Apparently, this is the perfect time for my mind to go over conversations from 5 years ago, or what could happen in 2 months from now. That’s why I love the Twilight Shower Gel from Lush!
Typically, I shower before I go to bed, so the Twilight Gel is perfect! The Lavender scent helps to calm my mind and make it easier to fall asleep, and the smell actually sticks around after I’m out of the shower!
I also really like that it doesn’t dry out my skin, since Lush formulates their products with the smallest percentage of sulfates possible, while still making an effective product.
Lush has fantastic ethical values! They are against animal testing, they practice ethical sourcing for their ingredients, the products are hand made, they promote recycling of their containers, and they aim to reduce or eliminate packaging all together (way to go zero waste!).
I used to hate baths… I would never feel relaxed; my neck would get sore from resting against the edge of the tub. I could never get my full body submerged. It just seemed pointless. Then this bath soak came along!
I got it after I got a work-related injury and needed to soak my muscles. Not only does this stuff help relax me, but I legitimately feel like it soaks into my muscles and undoes what ever knots I have! It doesn’t matter if I soak for 30 minutes or 5! I feel relaxed and refreshed!
And another bonus is that Bath and Body Works has a 100% satisfaction policy, if you don’t like the product, whether it be the smell, or you think it just didn’t work for you. You can return it! Which is great for anyone who doesn’t have the wiggle room in their budget to throw money away on a product that “might” work.
Lash Accelerator Serum with Grow Lash Complex from Rimmel
I don’t know how this stuff works, but it does! My eyelashes and eye brow hairs grow so much faster when I apply this stuff before bed! As a woman who will never have full natural eyebrows ever again, anything that will help grow my eyebrows into a fraction of what they used to be, is a freakin’ miracle.
Since I wear uniformed scrubs majority of my day, my hair is the only way I can really express myself. Colouring my hair just spikes my confidence and makes me feel more like me! I love the way I look with blue, purple, and sometimes teal hair! And when my confidence is high it gives me more strength to battle my anxiety when it rears its ugly head!
And it’s a cruelty free product too!
I hope these products help you like they have helped me!